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Headline Noose

"I just want to be a rope again."
~ Noose

It's not often we here at take on the tough issues sparking controversy across our nation, however this time we can no longer sit idly by. Faining societal contempt, we are ready to dig deep into the controversy at hand. To that end, we recently had the pleasure of interviewing Noose, the surprisingly shy, misunderstood rope tangled up in the Kelly Tilghman / Tiger Woods controversy.

For our unaware readers, lets quickly review the controversial issue that just won't seem to go away. On January 4th, while covering the Mercedez-Benz Championship in Hawaii, Tilghman jokingly stated that players hoping to challenge Woods might have to "lynch him in a back alley." While Woods excused the comment as "a non-issue," fuel was added to the almost extinguished fire when the cover of Golfweek Magazines January 19th edition spotlighted the aforementioned Noose, as seen in the picture included in this post. Golfweek Magazines editor, Dave Seanor, was later fired for the cover picture. Now we begrudgingly drag this story just a little further due to a complete and utter lack of poker content.

Now for the interview.

TripJax: First off, Noose, tell us what you think of this whole mess.
Noose: It's pretty retarded, Trip.
TJ: Have you ever met or spoken to Kelly Tilghman or Tiger Woods?
N: I was once used as the rope securing a pallet of Tiger Woods PGA Tour '06 games that were shipped to a Hoboken, New Jersey Target a few years back, if that counts.
TJ: I'm pretty sure that doesn't count, but what other jobs did you have prior to gracing the controversial cover of Golfweek Magazine?
N: I was also the rope Luke Perry used during the rodeo bull riding scenes in the movie 8 Seconds.

TJ: I am so very sorry.
N: Yeah, I learned my lesson on that one. No more gay ass cowboy movies.
TJ: So no Brokeback Mountain for you, eh?
N: I'm a frayed knot.
TJ: I'm pretty sure that punchline is copy written.
N: So sue me.
TJ: Don't you think you have enough problems on your hands as it is, Noose?
N: Good point. Strike that last line.
TJ: So tell me, Noose, how did you get into this bind?
N: Trip, all us ropes really want in life is a little hanging out with our know...chillin'. Occasionally get tangled up with a cord of the other gender and, I don't know, maybe bond for a while.
TJ: So what went wrong?
N: It all started with my rope ancestors in the Old West. We went from hitching Horse & Buggies to lynching accused thieves, murderers and rapists, pretty much overnight.
TJ: That's terrible, Noose, but at least you helped rid the world of very bad people.
N: I wish it stopped there, Trip.
TJ: Go on.
N: Well, eventually a group of dumb asses came along known as the Ku Klux Klan and lynched people, not because they were bad, but because of the color of their skin.
TJ: That's despicable.
N: Yes it is, Trip. Eventually some smart people got fed up and did some smart things to eliminate the deplorable act of lynching.
TJ: So what did your ancestors do then?
N: They were able to get back to other things, like lassoing little calves in rodeos and supporting swinging children and such.
TJ: Back to the good ole days.
N: Yeah until Tardhead Tilghman opened her snatch during that golf coverage.
TJ: Yeah she's pretty much a cuntbag for saying that, huh?
N: That Golfweek editor is quite the Rocket Surgeon too.
TJ: Laughing out loud, Noose, laughing out loud.
N: I thought you'd like that one, Trip.
TJ: So where do you go from here, Noose?
N: No noose is good noose, Trip. I just want to be a rope again.
TJ: Well said, Rope, well said.

The preceding interview was 100% a joke. Good grief I hope that is obvious by now. Just another dumb ass attempt to be slightly funny, a la The Onion. For anyone offended, lighten up. Tilghman is paying the price in the court of public opinion. The Golfweek Magazine editor got what was coming to him. Racists and bigots will get their just dues in due time...those fuckers. Tiger Woods has moved on and now that I've gotten this tarded post out of the way, so will I. Toodles.

posted by TripJax @ 4:36 PM,


At 5:53 PM, Blogger BWoP said...

ohhhhhh, trip.

a frayed knot?

you are too much.

At 7:16 PM, Blogger bayne_s said...

I am offended that you did not spell feigning properly!

At 7:42 PM, Blogger TripJax said...

That's gold, Bayne, gold!

At 9:52 PM, Anonymous BSN said...

Shortly after this interview was published, Noose was arrested for loitering.

He should have known better than to just hang around.

At 12:04 PM, Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Unless you have been lynched you should not say anything about this subject.


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