LPGA Commissioner Euthanizes Annika Sorenstam
Friday, May 09, 2008
Williamsburg, VA ~ Citing a desire to bolster media coverage of the fledgling ladies golf tour, LPGA Commissioner Carolyn Bivens euthanized Annika Sorenstam on the 18th green at the Michelob Ultra Open at Kingsmill in Williamsburg, Virginia on Wednesday afternoon. Having just completed a 7 under first round, securing a tie for second in the standings, Annika suffered an unfortunate ruptured disc in her back after an ill advised high-five with her caddy.
"As soon as I saw Annika clinch her back in pain, I knew I had to draw my pistol and jump into action," said Bivens. "Have you seen the media circus surrounding horse racing since Eight Belles was euthanized after the Kentucky Derby," added Bivens. "You normally talk about horse racing one day a year, but instead it's been headline news all week. That's the kind of coverage I want for the LPGA."
According to a male fan - one of three fans on the entire golf course at the time of the euthanization - Bivens "popped a cap in that filly," effectively ending her pain and suffering. The fan later added, "Lorena Ochoa is the new Annika Sorenstam, so there's no need for an injured Annika, hot or not."
In a press conference Wednesday night, Bivens suggested the media coverage from the euthanization could help the struggling LPGA finally move into Sports Illustrated's list of The 100 Most Popular Sports In The World. "If we can leapfrog the NHL for the 101st spot, there is nothing to stop us from overtaking Badminton as the 100th most popular sport in the world," noted Bivens.
Labels: if i worked for the onion
posted by TripJax @ 12:00 AM,
3 Comments:
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At 12:22 AM,
OhCaptain said...
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Williamsburg VA is a great family vacation destination. That being said, I think they could improve the ratings more by letting the lesbos show their stuff on the course.
Can't you just see it, get more hot lesbo action watching the LPGA? Huh? 5 foot put or boxed lunch...come on...you know you want it! -
At 9:27 AM,
Jordan said...
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Dude, the whole post was made with that leapfrog line. Slam!
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At 10:03 AM,
Patricia Hannigan said...
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Annika obviously didn't like your post :o)
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