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Road Trip Part 1: Converting Lesbians And Rescuing Strippers


Where do I start?

I guess the beginning is appropriate - and don't worry - there'll be some poker/gambling content in here folks, but it will probably be in my next post. I'm gonna have to split this road trip story into 2 posts cause I've got a lot to write and limited time...so here it goes...

We hit the road for Nashville around lunch time on Thursday and were pulling into our hotel parking lot around 7pm(ish). We saved an hour which helped us get there pretty quickly, however, that same hour change would prove to be brutal on the way back. We three were making the trip to visit a buddy in Owensboro Kentucky, but thought it would be a good idea to make it a day early and hit Nashville first. We were originally gonna be 4 strong leaving from Greensboro, but a buddy got sick last minute and had to bail. That was a bummer, but holmes was rough sick so it was understood. After reaching Nashville we quickly found everything we would want/need was within walking distance. Not even 50 yards away from our hotel room were 4 bars, 3 restaurants, and 1 strip club. One of the bars was an Irish pub, but we were never able to make it in with the line always extremely long and our patience quite the opposite. It was a shame too since it was St. Patty's Day.

After checking out the food choices, we decided to try dinner at Otto's Chicken Tenders. The tenders proved worthy of being in the title and their buckets of beer were just the way I like'em...cheap and cold. A bucket of 5 put us back a mere $10 which was a great start to our drinkfest. From there - and after some bar hopping between the available joints - we decided The Tin Roof met our needs...tons of people, a band, alcohol and plenty of ladies. I being the sole married man, left the lady chasing for the other two, though I did my best to point out the talent whenever possible. That's what friends are for right? In retrospect we all agreed not only were the ladies in Nashville gorgeous, but they came out in droves. It could have been due to St. Patty's Day, but the ratio had to be 3 women to every 1 man. That's unheard of in our town.

Once the liquor began to flow the night blossomed into a night to be remembered, but damn near forgotten. Again, in retrospect, we had to piece the night together the next day. Our buddy who we were to meet up with Friday changed his mind and made the 2 hour drive at 10 pm to be with us. That was a strong to quite strong move on his part since he had to work the next morning. With him making it there around 12, the party was officially on. The jager also made its presence in shot form and things quickly became blurry. About 30 minutes from last call, one of my buddies decided to try his hand at a table full of ladies sitting near where we had camped out most of the night. In particular there was a short haired brunette he took a liking to - from a distance - and decided they should meet. Turns out the whole table was comprised of lesbians, but that didn't stop my buddy. He kept on smooth talking hoping to convert her, all the while our other homey kept falling out of his chair hitting the floor. Made for some good entertainment having a guy to my right smooth talking a lesbian and a guy to my left continuously falling to the floor. We were no longer on the same planet we had been a mere 2 hours earlier...we were officially on Planet Jager. As for the lesbian conversion, he was unsuccessful, though she had a good time with his attempts. I'm sure at some point he whipped out a line equivalent to, "well your in luck, I'm a lesbian too." Good stuff.

After we walked to the gas station (which I don't remember doing) to buy beer (which I don't remember drinking) I was soon a casualty of the night. I got off easy though able to make it to the hotel and passing out on the closest queen size...bed. The next casualty came through the door not long after, this after a vomit spell outside in the parking lot. Yes folks the multitude of drinks had taken there toll.

My other 2 buddies - unbenounced to us sleeping folk - made there way to the strip club. I'm glad I was passed out at that point and didn't have to catch shit from my buddies for not going or feel like shit inside if I had gone. I'm not against the once in a blue moon trip with buddies when it's the right occassion, but those times are meant to be few and far between. The next day - when I found out they had gone - I was eager to hear how it was. Call it living vicariously through them if you want, but I digress. Turns out it was one of those strip clubs that only allows you to pay with "stripper dollars" that you buy from them. It obviously works since my boys didn't walk out with any stripper dollars left over, but I hate the idea of being forced into using alternate money like I'm at an arcade or something.

As for the strip club, on his last lap dance with one of the dancers my buddy received quite a strange request from her. As the song was ending she brought her mouth to his ear and said, "You gotta help me get out of this place." This caught him off guard and he said, "Do you mean tonight or for good?" To his surprise, she meant the latter. After all was said and done - and he had settled up his tab with the bar - she was no where to be found. Makes me wonder if there's some stripclub owner/pimp holding ladies passports or if she was just doing her thing to bring down an extra buck...uuhh...stripper buck. In one night, this dude had attempted to convert a lesbian and then asked by a stripper to rescue her.

Not long after the rescue hero attempt, we 3 were all passed out while our other buddy made the trip back to Kentucky. The weekend had started early and was off to a great start...it was only the first night and we were whipped. So many good things happened that night, but there's just not enough time for me to put it all down. We all have those great nights out, and it was no different for me on this night.

On Friday we slept in then looked for a place to watch some NCAA basketball. My buddies are NC State alums so there was excitement in the air as they prepared to play in the 1st round against Charlotte. Though they had some tough times early on, they ended up pulling it out in the 2nd half to get a big win. They then lifted a big middle finger up to the selection committee and analysts who put them on the bubble by knocking off 2nd ranked Connecticut yesterday. Let there be no doubt, however, this hear blog is written by a Tarheel fan through and through so I'm happy to see UNC in the final 16. Tiz a sweet 16 indeed.

Once in Owensboro a decision was made to take it easy Friday night in order to recoup from the destruction caused the night prior. We all figured this would make for a much more enjoyable Saturday day and night. With a little basketball watching and a night cap of Old School (Will Ferrell rocks), Friday night turned out to be just what the doctor ordered...hanging with the crew and good conversations.

My next installment brings the excitement of the horse tracks of Kentucky and the river boat gambling of Indiana. Stay tuned...

posted by TripJax @ 12:43 AM,

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