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You Dirty Rat

You Dirty Rat
With the SNG Challenge more than halfway complete, it was inevitable that the collusion word would make it into the conversation at some point. I was happy to see Jordan and DNasty jump right into the fray with posts directly involving cheats and cheating. Let me go ahead and state now for anyone who makes their way upon my blog. Cheaters can kiss my ass. With that, I offer the one poker cheat story I have...

I was a scrawny twelve year old looking for action. She was 49, a used and abused hooker, and looking for a quick payday. Wait, wrong story...

I met Quiet Storm (that's his poker name) at some point in 2003, I think. I'm bad with dates and times, so we'll just leave it broad like that. He had been coming to our tournaments and cash games at the Garage Mahal for a while which was cool. He works for a big biotech company in the area. He and few of his work buddies ran a cheap home game about once a week, though it was often speratic. At some point the buy-ins and limits at the Garage Mahal were becoming too pricey for my comfort, so when QS invited me to one of their home games I jumped at the opportunity. His games were more about having a good time and dropping $5 or $10 for a couple of quick SNG's and chance to walk out with maybe $60 if you win. No big deal, just good times.
On maybe my 3rd game with them, we ended up at one of the guys houses, except this time there was a new guy. I figured that was all good with me...more money to I was a new guy just a couple of weeks ago. He ended up sitting to my right. On the first game of the night I got knocked out about middle of the way through - must have been a bad beat *cough* - so I was able to sit back and watch the action from a distance. On one particular deal, towards the end of the first game, I noticed when it was the new guys time to deal, he was bringing the cards to his lap to shuffle them. And then it happened. After a few shuffles this shitbag would quickly look through the deck and find similar cards and put them on top. Then he would count out the places to where the cards would hit his hole cards as well as the flop, turn, and/or river. That sounds like a lot to do in a couple of seconds, but he was good. It didn't take him but about 10-15 seconds to do the whole thing. He had two problems though. One...he bobbed his head while he was counting the cards under the table. Two...he didn't realize I was checking him out every time it was his turn to deal. Everything seemed to make sense at that point. It seemed like the dude was hitting flops left and right and now it was all coming together. Unfortunately for me and the guys playing, I had caught on to this too late for the first game...he ended up winning it.
During the break I told this guy Jack about what I had seen and asked him to keep a look out for me. I didn't want to be a jack ass and call somebody out on cheating and then have no one believe me if he denied it (which every cheat is gonna do...cause they're a cheater). It didn't take long for Jack to be able to see what was going on. And he was pissed cause he was then thinking back to a hand where his set of nines was beat by a set of Queens. Now we were all getting drunker by the minute and were all having a great time which is probably why this could have easily been missed. Unfortunately for fuckstick, I was on the ball that night. His girlfriend had come by to see him which was gonna make what was about to happen that much more awkward, but obviously needed.
After only a few hands into the 2nd game, it happened. Jack was still trying to be 100% sure about the situation, but when the dude shipped a sizeable pot to his stack with his second Quad hand of the night, Jack flipped. He immediately walked over to the radio and TV in the nearby living room and shut them off. He came back into the dining room, pointed to the guy and said, "You're a fucking asshole." Ermm, it was on. There was the accusation, the denial, the reaffirmation (by me) and then threats of taking it "outside." The dude denied it for about 5 minutes as we argued and yelled back and forth, and then finally he said he was leaving. We made him return the money from the first game and then he and his girlfriend were gone with the wind.
At that point, the games were basically over. I apologized for what had just happened, but reiterated to each player that - without a doubt - the dude was cheating each and every one of us. At first, most of the guys weren't so sure if I was for real, which is why I'm glad I pulled Jack into the situation so he could back me up. And back me up he did. I wasn't expecting the confrontation that ensued, but I'm glad it happened. Once the dust had settled, I figured that was the last time I would ever play with those guys. But instead, it was as if it made even more sense to be playing with them. In the end, it became a great story to tell, and I haven't seen the dicksmoke since.
To this day, I still wonder...who the fuck would want to risk being caught and possibly getting their ass beat at a $5 game? What an idiot.

posted by TripJax @ 8:21 PM,


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