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Wuzzup Vanilla Face?

If you missed my post from yesterday, consider yourself lucky. In it, I displayed my dumbassity (you like that word do ya Kat?) with a ditty I made up based on Sir Mix-A-Lots Baby Got Back. Lucky for you all I quit early, not only because I didn't want to put you all through my white boy rap ("Wuzzup Vanilla Face?"), but also because I'm lazy. However, someone else had other plans for that song.

I didn't have my laptop last night, so once I left work I had no access to check and see if I received any comments. This morning I came into work and I had one new comment. And what a comment it was. So hella out there it warranted a post of its own.

All the above duly noted, and without further adieu, I offer Doog's follow-up to my ditty. Though my few lines are in the song, he has taken it to a whole new stratosphere. Obviously his dumbassity knows no bounds as well...

[Intro]
Oh, my, god. Iggy, look at that bet.
It is so big. *scoff* It looks like,
one of those bloggers’ money clips.
But, y'know, who understands those bloggers? *scoff*
They only bet like that, because,
that looks like a total rag board, 'kay?
I mean, that bet, is just so big. *scoff*
I can't believe he thinks he’s a rounder, it's like,
that bet there, I mean - bluff. Look!
Those chips are ... black!

[Sir Bets-a-Lot]
I like big bets and I can not lie
You other bloggers can't deny
That when a donk throws in an itty bitty raise
And a stare down in your face

You get sprung, wanna re-raise tough
'Cause you know weak bets’ll get stuffed
Deep are the pockets I’m wearing
My bankroll, you can't stop staring

Oh donkey, I wanna bet wit'cha
And take your chips-ah.
Some bloggers tried to warn me
But the size of that bet looks oh-so corny

Iggy (Rumplestiltskin)
You think you gonna get in his head?
Well, please, please, believe me
You ain't gotta prayer, fo-sheezy.

He know’s you’re stayin’
The hell with slow-playin’
You’ll sweat, all wet,
And then you’re gonna call his bet.

I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' min-raise is the thing
Take the average blogger and ask him that
You gotta bet with sack.

So, bloggers! (Yeah!) Bloggers! (Yeah!)
Do you drop that hammer bet? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to fold it! (Fold it!) Fold it! (Fold it!)
Fold to my hammer drop!

Donkeys get stacked!
(Poker face, that bluff’s a beauty)
Donkeys get stacked!

I like to bet out big
And when I'm bluffin’ that pig
I just can't help myself, I'm bettin’ like an animal
Now here's my scandal

I wanna take your stack
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't bettin’ like you, boy
'Cause then I’d even bust out before Hoy.

You’re getting real low there, shorty
So go for the quick double
Your ass is in trouble
I’m knockin’ you out on the bubble.

You’re playin’ like you’re on TV
All your dead money looks good to me
You can have them blinds, though:
I'll drag huge pots all night, yo.

A word to the donkey playas, I wanna get with ya
You’ll cuss when I hit ya.
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *stack ya*
Til the break of dawn

Donkey keep it comin’ on
A lot of fish won't like this song

'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the stackin’ on

So, donkeys! {Yeah!} Donkeys! {Yeah}
You wanna take your best shot at me? {Yeah!}
Then come on up! Sit on down!
Every blogger’s got to shout!

Donkeys get stacked!
Donkeys get stacked!

----------------

Doog, you've out done yourself. Well done sir.

posted by TripJax @ 9:24 AM,

4 Comments:

At 12:01 PM, Blogger Doog said...

Yo yo, dat be why da playaz call me da white chocolate, fo-sheezy ma-shiznit.

If I'm victorious in the game of King of the Dumbassity Mountain, am I still considered a winner? Or do I get a pity medal like in the Special Olympics?

Seriously, I was just bored at work and decided to plunge down that rabbit hole you discovered. Glad you enjoyed my work(??).

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger BrainMc said...

Sweet fucking jeebus, man this is probably the funniest post / comment I have every read. I can't believe I laughed harder than Waffles Babblefish one. When they hand out the Poker Bloggies at the end of the year, I expect you and Doog to take it hands down. Don't forget to thank all of the little people.

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger jusdealem said...

Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh, guys. :)

 
At 5:41 PM, Blogger pokerpeaker said...

Congrats on the rebuy win. I wasn't pissed at you for your A,Q suckout, just the cards. Nice work and it seems like you are on a roll again.

 

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