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Phil Hellmuth, Jr. Takes Monumental Dump En Route to Just Another WSoP Tournament Win

Las Vegas, NV (June 12, 2007) - Phil Hellmuth,Jr. made history, June 11, 2007, dropping the most massive dump, weighing in at 8 lbs, 4oz., in the corner stall of Harrah's lobby restroom directly outside the tournament final table area. Later that evening, he apparently also won another WSoP tournament.

Paul White, Harrah's Janitorial Assistant Manager, confirmed Hellmuth did indeed drop the historic load, stating, "Yeah it was him. I was cleaning the bathroom sinks when he just about barreled over everyone waiting in line for the bathroom. I've heard he can dodge bullets, but now I know he can drop'em too." Mr. White added, "It was the largest thing I've ever seen. Looks like he tried to flush it 4 or 5 times, but that thing was going no where."

Later citing a heightened anxiety coupled with a new high fiber diet, Hellmuth made the mad dash to the bathroom stall as soon as the final 45 minute break began. "After knocking out Scott Clements in 5th place, I felt a 'Rumble in the Bronx'," said Hellmuth. "I'm not sure if it was the free buffet or what, but when I was high-tailing it to the bathroom, I could tell something special was about to happen," added Hellmuth.

Asked about his latest WSoP win, Hellmuth noted, "Tournaments are a dime a dozen. I enter hundreds of them every year. It stands to reason I'm going to win one every once in a while. But that shit...that's a once in a lifetime shit right there."

The festivities came to a close with a ceremony in which Henry Thomes, Harrah's Janitorial Services Manager, presented Hellmuth with the monumental dump he retrieved and immediately had bronzed. Hellmuth was also later awarded the gold bracelet for the tournament win.

posted by TripJax @ 10:41 AM,

6 Comments:

At 1:50 PM, Blogger on_thg said...

Although I'm slightly ashamed to admit it, I lol'd. Nice.

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

I also feel shame that this brought a smile to my face.

Well done sir.

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

Ummmm - gross! funny though :)

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Matt said...

He kind of looks like a bad "Fat Elvis" impersonator in that picture.

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Matt Silverthorn said...

LOL, what the hell?

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger iamhoff said...

I thought I'd heard that he had a monumental accomplishment at the WSOP. 11th bracelet, no big deal. I mean, hell, how much can it weigh, even looking all Liberace and stuff? But that turd. That sounds like vintage Hellmuth. Let's see Matusow top that!

All your turd are belong to him :p

 

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